Can relationship counselling help if my partner won’t come?
Yes. You can start on your own.
Relationship counselling itself needs two people, but that doesn’t mean both of you have to be ready at exactly the same time.
Quite often, one person knows something needs to change before the other does. Your partner might not think counselling is necessary. They might not want to talk to somebody they don’t know, or they may simply be refusing to engage with it.
You don’t have to wait for them.
Start with what is happening to you
If you’re struggling in your relationship, then something is already affecting you.
You may have lost confidence. You might be questioning yourself, feeling angry or anxious, or wondering whether you’re making too much of things. Perhaps you’ve got to the point where you don’t actually know what is normal anymore.
Starting therapy individually gives us a chance to slow that down and work out what is really going on.
We can look at the relationship, but we also look at you. What you are dealing with, what’s happening. If there is anything you can change or what circumstances are out of your control. Most importantly, what do you actually want?
That isn’t about taking the blame for somebody else’s behaviour. It is about getting some clarity and making yourself stronger.
Your partner may decide to come later
I’ve worked with people whose partner was completely against counselling at the beginning. Then the other person starts; their partner can see that something is happening and that the relationship is being talked about seriously. Sometimes that is enough to make them reconsider.
If they decide to join later, we can start looking at the relationship together through couples therapy and marriage counselling. That doesn’t necessarily mean every future session has to involve both of you sitting in the same room. Depending on what is happening, I may work with you together and also speak to each of you individually as part of the wider work.
If you’re wondering what happens once you do start working together, I’ve explained more about what to expect in a couples therapy session, including what we look at in the first session and how I approach the work.
The important thing is that the work stays focused on what we are actually trying to sort out.
If I think somebody needs a different type of specialist support, I’ll say so and point them in the right direction.
What if they still refuse to come to relationship counselling?
Then we keep working with what you can control.
You may eventually have some decisions to make about the relationship. You might need stronger boundaries. You may need to decide what you are prepared to live with and what you are not.
Those decisions are difficult when you are exhausted, confused or have lost confidence in your own judgement. Therapy can help you get clearer and stronger before you make them.
You don’t need your partner’s permission to start dealing with something that is affecting your life.
If your relationship is struggling but your partner won’t consider counselling, start with a conversation.
I offer therapy in Windsor and online. Book a free 15-minute chemistry check. We can talk about what is happening and whether we are the right fit to work together.
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